kleptojournal

Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

2006-12-08T09:40:31Z

YOU HEARD

Bitch in a bag

2006-12-02T02:40:35Z

Oh hi, I forgot to do this thing for exactly two years. Boy is my face red! What's all that rubbish below this? Get that right off.

we holdin an item of male for you blushe

2004-12-02T10:20:45Z

yo ho ho and bottel of boobs

it seem , to be, my last update , was in the anciente times ! :O

here is list of update:

1. Sarah goto work at her dad shop, is "Greens". On Wednesday Thursday Friday !
2. Get games. This and thiss for X box , and this for Personal Compute (is best game ever love from ever ybody)
3. To-day (Desember 2rd) is day kleptobirth , today i am 21 , and now is the time when I am legal to punsh Jaff Goldblom in the sbectacles!

i hop the up date did not smell of effluence !

~~~*llovoe by kleptonin~*~~

stay back, i have a finding nemo whistle in my urethra explos nooo

2004-11-14T02:15:49Z

good god put you boob away beefore dinosaur see us !

hi friend (did you put you boob away ?? if you have no boob say "no" ^) here is totally survey i get off someone life journal *winkwankwink*

--Name: garet
-- Birthdate: desember 2th 1983
-- Birthplace: st. asaph wales
-- Current Location: shaftesbury eng land
-- Eye Color: blu
-- Hair Color: dark broun
-- Righty or Lefty: right
-- Zodiac Sign: man with horse legs
-- Innie or Outtie: inn

// series two - describe
-- Your heritage: welsh iriish
-- The shoes you wore today: black boots , are loud
-- Your hair: scruff
-- Your eyes: wet
-- Your weakness?: bullets and sun
-- Your fears: monsters
-- Your perfect pizza: peppers and red onions and mushrooms and cheese and pizza ,love by pizza hut
-- One thing you'd like to achieve: chaos emerald

// series three - what is
-- Your most overused phrase on msn: i don't use
-- Your thoughts first waking up: "a-wimoweh, a-wimoweh"
-- The first feature (thing) you notice in the opposite sex : head
-- The best Name for a Butler: raymond the enormous caterpillar
-- Your best physical feature: my fadge
-- Your bedtime: when i sleep
-- Your greatest accomplishment: uranus
-- Your most missed memory: i forgette,

// series four - you prefer
-- Pepsi or coke: pespi
-- McDonald's or Burger King: king of burger
-- Single or group dates : i don't like date (reason=taste bad(
-- Adidas or nike: neverr
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: liptn
-- Chocolate or vanilla: chocolet
-- Cappucino or coffee: cofee is for b asterds
-- Boxers or briefs: panties

// series five - do you
-- Smoke: smoke is bad
-- Cuss: you bet you fadge , basterd
-- Sing well: no
-- Take a shower everyday: no
-- Have a crush(es): no
-- who are they: i say no
-- Do you think you've been in love: i am
-- Want to go to college: no my friend
-- Like high school: i am too old for this
-- Want to get married: not to you, inter net survey *bulsh* ^
-- Type with your fingers on the right keys: if i didn't woukd spell6 wrogn!
-- Believe in yourself: am i a pretend
-- Get motion sickness: yes in back of car *BLAAAHGHHGGSPLASH*
-- Think you're attractive: a bit
-- Think you're a health freak: not a sausage
-- Get along with your parents: yesse
-- Like thunderstorms: not if i am in cloud at time
-- Play an instrument: not proprly

// series six - in the past month, did/have you
-- Drank alcohol: not six month
-- Smoke(d):neverr
-- Done a drug: tablet for head ache
-- Have Sex: that a secretyes
-- Made Out: that a secretyes
-- Go on a date: no
-- Go to the mall?: very
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: no
-- Eaten sushi: not
-- Been on stage: no no
-- Been dumped: i hopen ot :)
-- Gone skating: noe
-- Made homemade cookies: no
-- Been in love: i am
-- Gone skinny dipping: no
-- Dyed your hair: maybee
-- Stolen anything: no

// series seven - have you ever
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing?: yes
-- If so, was it mixed company: no
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: no
-- Been caught "doing something": it depednd what is
-- Been called a tease: no
-- Gotten beaten up: no
-- Shoplifted: no
-- If so, did you get caught: yes -_-
--Changed who you were to fit in: who know :)

// series eight - the future
-- Age you hope to be married: before dead
-- Numbers and Names of Children: i don know
-- Describe your Dream Wedding: marrie
-- How do you want to die: happy
-- Where you want to go to college: no where
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: no
-- What country would you most like to visit: canadia

// series nine - opposite sex
-- Best eye color? blue
-- Best hair color? hair
-- Short or long hair? lon
-- Best height: bigger than mouse
-- Best weight: less than ton
-- Best articles of clothing: ones to wear
-- Best first date location: calendar
-- Best first kiss location: crotch

// series ten - number of
-- Number of girls I have kissed in my life: one
-- Number of girls you have made out with: one
-- Number of girlfriends you've had: one
-- Number of boys I have kissed: none
-- Number of boys you have made out with: none
-- Number of boyfriends you've had: none
-- Number of drugs taken illegally: no
-- Number of people I could trust with my life: ten
-- Number of CDs that I own: lot
-- Number of piercings: none
-- Number of tattoos: no
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: i don know
-- Number of scars on my body: one
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: no thing

did you enjoy it i hope it so ,

eltons john did a poo in my well :*(,
dead dibnah

race against lime

2004-11-12T02:09:20Z

hi my friend s , i'm tired ~~i soiled myself~~ i write a story for you :)

Cecilly Parsnips and the King's Knees

Cecilly Parnships was a atraactive gentle man , hje stood a good two feet tall, and an a bad two feet one inche tall also too also. He paratake in wearing only the finest pantalons made from the finest bacon. (editor note: For generations the townsfolk thought the pantalons were ham or somesuch hellmaterial. Shows what they know IN YOUR FACE TOWNSFOLK)

One Tunesday, Cecilly Parnshispe ~~decode~~ decide to visit the King's Knees. The King of the Land, let 's call him Natalie Fantastifadge, lived on a chair in side the country side, the chair was a very big, so was the King! *polite clappinmg*

TJE END

i hop you like it *bulsh* :)

100% loveable,
~*~*~*kleptonin*~*~*~

the dinosaur boobies

2004-10-27T07:17:23Z

hi friend , welcome to inter net jounral update kleptonin !

Wee went out of house on Monday and Tuesday.

MOnday
We goed to Little Chef in Shaftesbury, which is here Then wee went to Gillingham to see Daddi Ramage new shop (open soon) then we go to Yeovil for our day journey be gin ! We went to lots of shops and thing, wee had vouchers for GAME so we buyed games. Sarah getted this and I get this. I did want this but it not out in Britain kingdom until November , so fannies !

Wee went to Gamestation, is our friend for cheap game. I got used copy of this. It old game, but i like when i play demo in olden days 1998 or when ever hell it comed out.

Sarah buy this and this from Acorn Music.

THen we went to Tesco and bloody buyed food.

TUEsday
This day we go to Southampton. We eat jackie potato and cheese from some place i forget, then we walk around shop place. There lot of shopping mall in this city. I like the one with Cinnabon, it big. Sarah get cinnathing from this place. wee goed to Forbidden Planet and Sarah buy comic like BAt Man. Hee hee his ears are pointholy bastard Bat man ! I was pretend to be RObbing or what ever hell Bat Man friend is did you like it i make it my self :)

Thusly the report is conclusI hope you like it i did *blaahg* opps i was sik *blush*

hi Sarah i love yoU:)

Archaeologilly you,
Wednesday "i got spade *digdigdig*" Addams :)

the

2004-10-14T16:02:28Z

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhello opps i rest on keyboard ! oh noes !

( not really i just hold " H" button down but it is our secret yes !) Good tiding my friend, I trust we are all in the library gentlemen! "kleptonin" is here with a update for " LIFE JOURNAL".

CAptain log (you know, like in those space programmes l.o.l.) This week i have been playing City of HEroe's's, watching Tele Vision on my camputer, and no thin g else!!!!11 The life is so exciting you could cook a egg in it ! ;-)

Update bring to you by Colgate

Loves,
the klepto nin

finest mahogany

2004-10-06T00:54:21Z

Hi my friends! How are you? We are fine. We like to play "computer games"! Ha ha!

Earlier last weeks Sarah's dad took us to "Gillingham" town where his new shop will being. He talked to a couple of fellows about all sorts of thing I guess! One of the gentlemen was ~~fat and old~~ well-built and wisened, and he had some big plastic letters. I guess they were for the front of the shop! The new shop will be called "Greens". I guess like, "eat your greens"! Lol! Except the letters were red. -_-

We went shopping and bought some things for us to eat. Meanwhile, Sarah's dad trod in dog's poo several times. He bought a small brush to clean his shoe with! Perhaps he wanted to brushit off! Get it! Brush! Shit! Ahahahaha!

Meanwhile, in an abandoned warehouse:

I finished bye

Update time automatically,
Professor Susan

The trouble with tampons

2004-09-26T06:05:11Z

Hello fellow!

I, would like, to, present to you, a short story. "I levelled up!" Never mind that, though, don't worry your pretty little head!. Here is the story.

The Vicar's Mashed Potato

(Note: vicar n. (Church of England) A clergyman appointed to act as priest of a parish)

"Oh no!" exclaimed the vicar, as he stared helplessly at the lady tumbling like a ragdoll down the cliffside through his binoculars on the balcony of his lighthouse. Just then, he heard the familiar 'ping' of his microwave oven. The vicar flung the binoculars off the side of the balcony into the sea below and raced down the spiral staircase.

So feverish was his excitement, the vicar tripped and fell down the last couple of flights of stairs. Upon reaching the bottom, he got up, his face bloodied from the fall, and regained his composure. He dashed over to the microwave oven and popped open the door. An enchanting smell wafted through the air and through the vicar's nostrils.

"By jove," he declared, "this meal is truly fit for the kingest of kings!"

The vicar took the plastic container over to the kitchen table and peeled off the cellophane cover. He reached for his fork. Suddenly, the building started to shake. Cracks split along the wall. Kitchenware crashed to the ground. Masonry tumbled down.

The vicar clutched the sides of the table. He stared around in disbelief. Without warning, the entire lighthouse twisted, lurched, and fell in a tremendous crash, rubble strewn across the jagged rocks and into sea around them. All fell silent.

A short while passed. Eventually, some scrambling could be heard. The vicar emerged from the rubble, covered in dust and drenched in seawater, mashed potato splattered across his forehead and down the side of his face. He looked upwards into the overcast sky, holding up his clenched fists. "Damn you, God! That was MY mashed potato!"

Story end now I hopeyou like it I made it just for you :-)

Love from Sneezing Brachiosaurus from Jurassic Park and all his friends
(except Grumpy Velociraptor #5)
xxx

kleptonin @ livejournal.com

2004-09-21T17:56:39Z

Happy hi interfriends!

What the Dickens have we been doing these days? I tell you now, you nosey fiend! (Hah a! ^_^) Recently we have been playing The Sims 2 and City of Heroes on our conputers. I din't like the "The Sims" sims game, but I like the new one. It is very 3D. My Sim has a tweed jaaaaaaacccckkkeeeeeeetttt!!!1111 %_%_^_^^

City of Heroes is good beecause you are a super hero and you smash bad people RIGHT IN THE FACE. Plus, groin.

I love,
Kissing in a tree,
Pee Eye Ess Ess Eye En Gee.

And lo, the homies were fly

2004-09-14T16:44:06Z

Hi darlings!

Today we ventured forth towards the location of Sarah's dad's new shop (henceforth known as "Greens"), located in the busy metropolis of Gillingham (lies). We then purchased a variety of foodstuffs from local super - markets, including tubs of soft European confection that can only be hazardous to one's health.

After - wards, we travelled to a handful of estates where new homesteads were being constructed (before our very eyes's's!). We looked around two such homesteads, and very nice homely homo homesteads they were as well. Hope - fully we will one day live in such homesteads! (Though maybe one at a time).

The conclusion of the day was discovered as we arrived back at the current homestead, where a canine of Alsation persuation peered through plastic sheeting on a gate using nothing but its face. The scene of canine joy was marred only by the crass comments generated in the foul mind of Sarah.

Your secretly,
J. Califragilis Extraction

The Merry Times of klept o'nin

2004-09-08T00:00:15Z

Happy greetings, fellows.

Recently we have been doing approximately nothing, aside from partaking in electric games on the "computers". I partook in a horror film "game", which I believe to have been titled "Doom 3". A jolly time was had by all, as I released ammunition towards the hell fellows.

A notable discovery was made by Sarah of the homestead recently. She found ONE (1) British Kingdom standard English British pound coin stuck to my back beneath the very shirt-garment covering such a bodypart! Hilarity ensued, which lasted many hours, until all were sik.

In other news, there are far too many insects and arachnids present in the new homestead, with many a beverage container used to escort such earthen beasts back to the firey soil lairs from whence they rose.

Now, away with you rogues and ne'erdowells, scurry back to the electric portals from whence you came! It is truly time to indulge in comic book/electric game hybrid entertainment jaunts.

The Bat Man

2004-08-26T02:49:34Z

danananananananananananan LIVEJOURNAL

HAHAHAHHA welcome to today's entry, gentlepersons!

I am tired it is 3:35am and I should be asleep but I forgot. This week we went to Bristol to buy some things, namely magazines and old games and the like. We had lunch time at Pizza Hut where I consumed a pizza. Also today I fixed my PC. It was running slowly because it exploded and I had to buy new bits for it. Today, or yesterday now I put in a new processor and hoped it wouldn't go on fire and it didn't. Thank goodness! *laughter*

In other news, we went to shops to buy Pepsi Max and the like. It was so exciting I literally soiled myself. I would post a picture, but the inter net camera is not set up, and I like to wallow around in my own feces in private. No peeking! ;)

Sarah downloaded about 10,000 comics from the inter net and was reading them. Catwoman is not a cat really!

Laurie is now 17, happi birthday Larry *Laurie 17 AUgust 25 2004.

Now I must depart,
Or else I'll surely fart.

*phht* *blush*

Your asse,
Dorset Knob

Scrotum carrots

2004-08-10T16:29:52Z

Ahoy! Many a sweltering day was to be had here at the new homestead, causing many a sweat. I bring good news, our broad - band inter - net connec - tion was just enabled, so we can find many pictures of ladies' breasts at lightning speed! If we are that way inclined. In other news, I'm thirsty, and I bid you god day. Ha ha! *laughter*

Yours fish,
Catherine

kleptonin and the shovel

2004-08-02T20:11:06Z

I present to you, the gentlefolk of the inter village, a electric questionnaire:

The Basics:
1. First Name: Gareth
2. Middle name: No! (I have none middle names)
3. Last Name: French
4. Nicknames: Gareth, kleptonin, klepto, Benedict J. Tumbletits
5.City: Shaftesbury town
7. Guy or Gal: Of a male persuasion
8. Zodiac Sign: The equine gentleman with skills in archery
9. Siblings and their ages: Juln, 39, half-brothel
10. Pet(s): Pets are discouraged with weapons by the home-owner
11. Hair Colour: Dark brown
12. Height: 6'2/3"
13. What hand do you write with: Rightways
14. Hair Length: Neck
15. Do you bite your nails: Certainly
16. Do you stare at people: Some times
17. Do others think you're cute: I would imagine so
18. Shoe Size: 9 of the Great British realm

RELATIONSHIPS:
19. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend: Yes, Sarah
20. Who do you like: Sarah

FASHION STUFF:
22. Where do you shop the most: Somerfield. Oh clothes. Nowhere.
23. Do you think your fashion is cool?: My dear, I resemble an urchin of the lowest denomination!
24. Do you have any thing pierced: My Brosnan
25. If not, what do you want pierced: No thank
26. Do you have a tattoo: No

THE EXTRA STUFF
27. Do you do drugs: Multivitamin
28. Do you drink: Sometimes if we go out to dine, a wine is fine
29. What kind of Shampoo and Conditioner do you use: Sham-poo from the Body Shop that isn't made any more
30. What sport(s) do you play: Walking
31. What are you most scared of: Dennis Hopper
32. If you could go anywhere, where would you go: The toilet, to do a big fat Shins are the front part of the legs below the knees and above the ankles.
33. Where is the coolest place you have gone: Space
34. What are you listening to right now: The gigantifan in the background on hurricane setting
35. What time is it: 7:31 pm
36. Do you have your own phone line: Not any more!
38. What is in your purse right now: Wallet. One English pound, debit card, rail card, and miscellaneous excrement!
39. What shoes do you have: Clunky boots that demolish the floors of the rich and poors
40. What clothes do you sleep in: Winnie the Pooh pyjamas
41. What kind of car do you have: Daddi Ramage has a fast Honda that almost crashes head on into traffic when we overtake on blind bends at 780 mph
42. Where do you want to get married?: Toilet
43. Favourite Actors, and Actress: Vincent d'Onofrio, and someone else
44. Who do you really hate: Ruffians, whippersnappers, ne'erdowells and varmints
47. What are the ugliest names: Pukas, Biley, Snott, Anus, Excrementine, Fecesia, Sewagine.
48. Fav colour: Turquoisey tealy bluey
49. Number: 25
50. Song: None
51. Movie: None
52. Candy: Changes

SPREEEEEE

53. Clothing: Clothes
54. TV shows: Simpson, Futurama, Family Guy, Law & Order: Crinimal In tent, other
55. Favorite food: Nice food
56. Food restaurant: Fast - McDonald; Normal - Pizza Hut
57. Subject in school: Conputers
58. Drink: Cherry Coke
59. Scent: Marker pens (xylene-free!)
60. Season: Spring
61. Teacher: Those were the days *pipe*
62. Smoked: No
63. Drank: Yes
64. Got drunk: A little *hic*
65. Bungee Jumped: No
66. Went movie hopping: Don't hop on movie
67. Broke the law: Yes, but secretly
68. Ran from the cops: No
70. Made yourself throw up: Almost, when I brush my teef. Gag reflex!
74. Gone skinny-dipping: No
75. Been In Love: I am
76. Made yourself cry to get out of trouble: Probably

Word association:
77. Red: Red
78. Cow: Moo
79. Pig: Oink
80. Rubber: Chicka-bow

Which is worse:
81. Barfing on your date or date barfing on you: Date barfing on me, because calendars shouldn't have puke
82. Having your appendix out or tonsils: I don't know. Maybe tonsils

Your friends....
83. Coolest: Jeremy Iceberg
84. Weirdest: Larry *Laurie
85. Funniest: Lorry *Laurie
86. Smartest: Conputer
87. Happiest: I don't know
88. Meanest: Meany McGee
89. Sweetest: Greg Sugar
90. Loudest: Pamela Bang
91. Quietest: Silence McGee
92. Cutest: Sarah
93. Who do you go to for advice: Sarah
94. Who knows all your secrets: No body :)

Have you ever...
95. Eaten an entire pack of KD: What the Dickens is KD?
96. Caused a car accident: No
97. Seen the ocean: I lived by it for 19 years

This or that...
98. Night or Day: Night
99. Chocolate Chip or Mint Chip: Chocolate Chip
100. Ocean or lake: Lake
101. Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate
102. Lion or Tiger: Tiger
103. Love or lust: Love
104. Gold or silver: Silver
105. Pencil or Pen: Pen
106. Skirt or jeans: Skirt
107. Rose or tulip: Sunflower

In the past 48 hours, have you...
108. Cried: No
109. Worn a skirt: No
110. Gone for a walk: Certainly
111. Gone for a drive: Yes but I didn't drive
112. Gone out for dinner: No but break-fast
113. Taken a test: Is this a test? *laughter* *vomit*
114. Talked to an ex: No
115. Missed an ex: No
117. Given someone a present: Yes I gave Sarah a small pile of dirty underbloomers and socks
118. Missed someone: No
119. Hugged someone: Yes
120. Kissed someone: Yes
121. Had a nightmare: No
122. Fought with your parents: No

The Feeling Side:
123. What do you feel about the Ouija board: I feel its asse *it's an asse
124. Do you believe in yourself: No I am pretend
125. Worst feeling in the world: Dead
126. Best feeling in the world: Love
127. Are you for world peace: No I am for Christims
128. Are you a health freak: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
129. Do you have a crush on anyone: No, but Aaron Carter's got a crush, on, you.
130. Does that person like you in return: See above
131. Do you like filling these out: I would rather put a wolf in my head
132. How many people are you sending this to: I'm not sending it to anyone
133. Who sent this to you: It's a secret (*wink wink nudge nudge punch punch gas honk punch wink*)
134. What do you think of the person that sent this to you: Tapable. :P
135. Who will send it back: Sendy McGee
136. How long did this take you: About two hours because I tried to find out what colour I like and I eate my dinnere

Amicably yours,
Katie Crocodilly

Judging Anus

2004-08-02T18:10:39Z

We are move-ed to our newe dwellinge.

The weather was a dollface and gave us the hottest days this year, so the moving fellows and our selves were all terribly hot and moist, soaking from our own putrid skin juices. It is still warm and humid, but at least the sun was not out to-day! Ha ha! Else we would have died.

We went to the place in the middle of town where they have inter net conputers, and we signed up for Virgin inter net (Richard Branson inter net), and they gave us a dial-up connection while we wait for super ADSL net board brand. So we are adventuring through the putrid inter net with 56 Ks!!!! I don't know what K is, but it sounds radicool!!!

Our new house is still filled with many boxes, but at least we moved the washing machine into the homestead today. Now we can cleanse our vestments in sweet, sweet detergent. Now I won't have to waddle around the house, excrement spilling out of my underbloomers!!!

I hope it doesn't rain, else our old cooka and tumble dria would be demolished by the gigantic aqueous droplets!!!

Here's where the story ends. We are to live at this establishment for 6 months, then we are moving again (oh noes!) to a proper house that we own.

Congenially yours,
Judge Judins

This summer, I'm actively fighting against wrinkles

2004-07-28T07:41:07Z

I'm on holiday, not my wrinkles. Andie McDowell smells of wrinkles!!! Pass it on.

Hi it's Wednesday. Tomorrow (Thursday) we are moving house. Well not house, but all our things and furniture into new house. There are several thousand boxes filled with stuff lying around, it is like Box World, ha ha ha ha!!!! (LOL)

Today we are packing up our conputers, and who knows when we will get the inter net back!!!!

See you in the future, fellows! *phht* *blush*

Merry Winter,
Spider-man (Spidey Crotch Tingling!!!!)

Totally Recycle Bin

2004-07-18T21:43:06Z

Ahoy my hearts, I am back from the depths of space* *LIES

I haven't updated for a while because I forgot. Today we went to see Shrek 2 in the picture house. Review follows.

Shrek 2, it involved Mike Myers as Shrek, Camera Diaz as Princess Fiona, John Cleese as the Kingy, Julie Andrews as the Queen, Jennifer Saunders as Fairy Godmother, Eddie Murphy as Donkey and AntOnions Banderas as Puss In Boots and Rupert Everett as Prince Charming. Unlike most movie films, Shrek 2 is imaginary, and it is made on a computers. I think a lot of computers, because the computer pictures were very pretty. When there was water on the movie film, it looksed very realistic. However, we know that it is not real, because it is a fake! REMEMBER THIS.

The story of this film (SHREK 2) is about involvers the evil Fairy Godmother (bastard) who tries to get her son (Prince Charming) to have Princess Fiona who is green as his ~~sex~~ wife. There are some other bits as well.

I thought the film movie was good, it has pretty computer pictures, and it is funny. I liked the bit where Donkey says Donkey. The music was good as well, and there are lots of secrets hide in the back ground.

In concluse, I recommend this film because Jackie Chan said he would break my clock if I didn't. I think he would chop it with his hand, like in ninja films. On a lighter note, naked 3D women.

This review is finished.

Recently I have been using my conputer, and I bought a new processy but I have not put it in yet because I need some poisonous water and some sand paper. Also, we saw Shrek 2 today. Oh but I have already said this!!! We saw our new house today, it is down the street and around the corner and down a hill and around a corner and around a corner from where we are now. There are dogs in the neighbouring homesteads!

This update was brought to you by Shrek 2. Shrek Shrek Shrek Shrek Shrek. 2.

Bless you,
Calvin Climb.

The totally sexy potato (liek, omg)

2004-06-24T03:56:16Z

I stole your stolen inter net thing, Sarah!!! SNAPPING!

Type your username with your:

nose: klepptonin
elbow: ikl;ewrsoitrfgoin biubn
tongue: no the keyboard is dirty
chin: kkkoerdo9tygiobn ujhnb
feet: oi;pler4d-[p0trgf50po-n jhiuomn
eyes closed and one finger: kldepotonin
back of my hand: 893 406 0jhn
palm: 7kji8lkredsplo54ygtok nmiou njm
mouse: kipole4ptroijnijn
wrist: kl,;l4re;p[ytoplmnjhiumn

AAAAAAAA that was so exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111

Bless You and the Sneeze for All Time!

2004-06-21T20:47:05Z

Helloy! Goodbye! Only joking! *laugh*!

One day, it was last Friday, and my mum came to visit the grande olde towne of Shaftesbury, which is where we live. She came with my brother and his wife and a merry man with glasses who likes to eat drugs. When he wasn't eating drugs, he was my brother's wife's brother~~'s wife~~. They got lost and nine hours later they arrived in this most magic of towns (lies). We showed my mum the sights of the thing where we are, and made sure she didn't fall down a hill. It was a bravo time all around! I ate a pancake. It had gooey brown stuff on it, but it didn't taste bad. Yay!

My mum totally bought a Shaftesbury pen from the Shaftesbury Museum of Shaftesbury. We totally live in Shaftesbury!!!!!1oneoneone.

On Sunday, after my mum left to wherever it is she lives, we went to the majestic kingdom of Yeovil, which is actually a town, and not majestic, or a kingdom. (Pwned! inter net lol) We went to Cineworld and saw a film, called Garry Potters and the Prisoner of Asdabag, or something. It's about a boy with glasses who can do some magic with a stick, and so can his friends, and they go to a school in the countryside. Sarah has books of it, by some ~~bint~~ lady. One of them has got like 60,000 pages. I'm guessing, I gave up counting after the first 4. I hate you mathematic! :)

This film is about a boy called Garry, or Harry, or something Potters. He is a boy that can do magic. I think he learned it at the school he goes to. He starts off doing some kind of magic masturbate under his bed sheets at night, but he keeps getting interrupted by a fat man who opens his door. Eventually he makes some white stuff come out and it floats out of the window. Later, he makes his aunt inflate and fly away because she's a fat bitch. Now she's even fatter! Inter net lol! ^_^ I hope she died.

Garry took his suitcase and walked away, then got on a fast ghost bus. It took him to some old place. I think he lost his suitcase, because I never saw it again. Damn that bus! I don't care really.

Harry goes back to school afterwards, with his old friends (I guess they're old friends, they don't hit him when they see him, and they all know each other's names). They go on a train. The train goes on a bridge and stops, then a crap old black floating ghost thing comes in the carriage and tries to suck Harry's face off. I wish it had, because that boy grins like a dolphin being sawn in half.

More stuff happens, they go to school, then they ride on a eaglehorse (they call it a hippogriff, but I think eaglehorse is better), then there's time travel, and the end. Gary Oldman was in the film, as Syphilis Black, or something. I didn't know it was Gary Oldman. He looked more like that man with the beard and long hair from Lord of the Rings (not the gay old wizard). Also Alan Rickman from the first Die Hard film and a Robin Hood film and something was in it as Professor Snakes. He looked like a gothic fellow, chortle.

I liked the effects in the film. I didn't like broomsticks, or Barry Potter's face. Overall I would give the film 6, but I don't know what that's out of.

You sincere,
Jakey Rowling (I writed Hairy PotterS!) (not really!)

GLOW in the dark DUCK

2004-06-13T21:32:45Z

I'm sorry, I think my "yo" key got stuck in that last post. OH NOES!

Today we had a magnifying journey to the fabled city of Bath. It was a sunny day, involving much heat and sunshine. We bought kiwi and lime with guanara Solero Shots to eat-consume. It was a green plastic bin full of small cold balls of kiwi lime guanara. Sarah bought a ~~mother~~ father's day card for Daddi Ramage. We lost Daddi Ramage, then found him again in HMV listening to headphones. We walked along for a bit then discovered a GameStation shoppe, selling video computer games. We looked at these video computer games, then went to Pizza Hut for luncheon. I had mushrooms wearing breadcrumbs tasting of garlic and barbecue and a Caesar salad. Sarah had potato jackets filled with mozzarella cheese and sour cream and chive sauce and Caesar salad.

Suddenly, luncheon was finished. We walked more, and saw a horse pulling a carriage containing people. Then we found a shop full of old music and useless toys. We bought a gigantic pencil (see Sarah modelling it here), Rainbow Oooze (multicoloured sludge in a vial. Or should that be "vile", inter net lol), a GLOW in the dark DUCK and colour-changing ducks for the bath, and a small candle.

Laterwards we found ourselves on Gay Street, home of the Jane Austen Centre, advertised by a couple of ladies dressed in period clothing. Nooot taaaampoooonssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!114

Around the corner we espied a posh shop selling wines and stuff. Wee bought small tubs of expensive ice cream. Sarah had dark chocolate, but it tasted like coffee, so she swapped with Daddi Ramage's mango and lime, but that tasted like pineapple, so I gave her my vanilna, and finished her mango and lime pineapple flavour iced cream.

Soon we found a shopping mall, and Sarah found a shop selling Hello Kitty stuffs. She bought a Hello Kitty t-shirt and an Afro Ken t-shirt. We found a boat ride place, so we went on a tasty boat ride down the river. They gave us drinks. I had lemonade. People waved at us, and dragonflies flied around us. Some kids threw stones at a tiny boat with a roof called The Viking Warrior™.

We bought some stuff at a shop like sweets and drinks, then went into car and towards home location. We stopped at Little Chef (it was on the left) and had dinner. I had vegetable burger and chips. It was far too much food for my miniature intestines! There was a fly in the bathroom. We had lollipops, and we almost crashed a few times, like we always do.

Overall, it was a nice holiday, I would give it 8 out of 10.

Your are sincere,
Dracula Davis

Yo yo yo yo yo yo

2004-06-13T20:23:29Z

Yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo

The quietest tampons

2004-06-11T10:49:29Z

Happy day, this days are ours, Fonz, eeey, sit on it.

Laughter, my prospective business clients, I return for more journals. What has occur? Henceforthwith I shall explaine!

This week we have partakened in various activities, such including as buying a pizzas for lunch, buying Coke Cola bevraage (cherry), changing our computer Windows to look like Macintosh Apples, and such.

Today I install Bad Boys II computer game on my computer, featuring assorted gentlemen of a darkened skin pigmentation, including William Smith, who you may recognise from exciting crime drama "Fresh Prince who lives with his auntie and uncle in Bel-Air, he whistled for a cab" from the 1990s era. This game, it should be said, is not very good. I spend time controlling William Smith and his partner in ~~crime~~ police whom I'm not familiar of it name. I played for a good 30 minutes (although most of these minutes were bad (bad boys II *laughter* )) and I journeyed through the levels destroying ketchup and ceiling fans and barrels a splode with my bullet guns. I heard foul language emitting from William Smith and his friend, and I must admit, I was shaken to the core by these vulgar mouthsounds. (Bastard)

In other news, Sarah has today received her purchase of CSI: Crime Scene Investigation™ DARK MOTIVES, based on the American sitcom CSI: Crime Scenes Investigate in which a group of policefolk look at dead fellows and see their guts quickly in 3D. She is playing it now, a fellow fell off of his stunt motorbicycle and left a pool of urine.

Excitement! Time for boring survey.

[ series 1 ]
Name: Gareth
Birthday: December 2nd
Birthplace: Hospital
Current Location: Kitchen
Eye Color: Blue
Hair Color: Brown
Righty or Lefty: Right
Zodiac Sign: Horse man
Font: Arial
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

[ series 2 - your favorite ]
Music: The music I listen to
Cartoon: Simpson, Futurama, Family Guy
Color: Teal
Car: One that does not crash
Slushy Flavor: What is slushy
Magazine: PC ZONE
TV Show: Law & Order: Crinimal Intent
Song at the Moment: None
Language: English
Spice Girl: You take that back
Food & Beverage: Food potato and leek cake thing, beverage Cherry Coke
Subject in School: I don't to school (reason = adult)
Weekend Activity: Sit
Frozen Yogurt: I do not consume
Roller Coaster: I do not roller coaster

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
[ series 3 - what is ]
Your most overused phrase: *phht*
First thing you thought when you woke up: "I need to dispense urine"
Last image/thought you go to sleep with: "I may need to dispense urine at some point in the future"
First feature you notice of opposite sex: Eyes
Best name for a Butler: Fanny Bang (emphasis on Bang)
Wussiest Sport: Fairy tennis
Your best feature: Wide-set vagina
Your greatest fear: Merlin
Your greatest accomplishment: Moving to Shaftesbury
Your most missed memory: If I knew it would not be missed

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
[ series 4 - you prefer ]
Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi
McDonald's or Burger King: Burger King
Single or Group Dates: None
Adidas or Nike: No
Dogs or Cats: Both.
Rugrats or Doug: Rugrats
Single or Taken: Taken
Monica or Brandy: Shut up
Tupac or Jay-Z: SHUT UP
Shania Twain or LeAnn Rhymes: SHUT UP
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Lipton Ice Tea
One pillow or Two: Two
Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilna
Hot chocolate or Hot cocoa: No thanks you
Cappucino or Coffee: Never, away from me foul demon of the night.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
[ series 5 - do you ]
Shower everyday: We have no shower
Have a crush: No
Think you've been in love: Yes
Want to go to college: No
Like high school: Past tense, and sometimes
Want to get married: Some day
Type correctly: Yes, but no on porpoise
Believe in yourself: No I am imagine
Have any tattoos? No
Have any piercings? No
Get motion sickness: Yes
Think you're a health freak: No
Get along with your parents: -s, yes
Like thunderstorms: As long as they do not hit me

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
[ series 6 - the future ]
Age your plan to be married: I do not know
Number and names of children: Sideways McGee 50, Tampon Harry 35
Where will you be at age 20: I am age 20. Success!
Dream wedding: Slumber marriage
How do you want to die: Without pain
Dream job: Slumber occupation
Country you'd like to visit: Japanese

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
[ series 7 - opposite sex ]
Best eye color: Any
Best hair color: Any
Short or long hair: Any
Best height: Any
Best weight: Middle
Best clothes: Some
Best first date location: Atlantis
Best first kiss location: Crotch

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
[ series 8 - other ]
Last time you slept with a stuffed animal: Last night.
Rings before you answer the phone: Why must you know?
What's on your mousepad: I do not mousepad (reason = laser mouse)
How many houses you've lived in: About 7
How many schools you've gone to: 3
Bedroom carpet color: Purpl
Shave your head for $5,000?: Maybe for £5,000 British sterling
Stranded on a desert island. Take three things. No people: Food, drink, computer
Best time of your life so far: Now

Yours wishes,
CSI: Crime Shark Intestines

The angry pamphlet!

2004-06-06T11:07:45Z

Saluations, electric readers. It is 11:32am in the morning, and we haven't been to sleep yet. So ofp3n3f3f.

Not much has occurred this week. I took it upon myself to make myself a part of an electronic transaction involving monetary units and a new power supply for my computation machine. It still doesn't work properly yet, and I blame Daredevil, because he's blind.

Sarah has been playing a " game ", In Memoriam, which is about some missing people and video footage and crazy puzzles that make her visit websites about Turkish mosques.

Elton John is singing about the Circle of Life. Chortle, he's such a ~~card~~ asse.

HAVE YOU EVER
1. Kissed your cousin: I haven't met my cousins.
2. Ran away: Home is where the food is klept.
3. Pictured your crush naked: Surely the beverage is not clothed!
4. skipped school: You bet your abdomen.
5. Broken someone's heart: Only Dracula's, with a magnesium fork.
7. Cried when someone died?: Yes.
8. Wanted someone you knew you couldn't have: Well I stole Chevy Chase once, but I had to give him back.
9. Broken a bone: Nuh-uh, gurlfreeeynd. *triclick*
10. Done something embarrassing: You bet your snowman.
11. Done a drug: Vitamin supplements.
12. Cried in school: I think so.
13. Favorite Quotes: "Hello." LOL!!!!1345r
14. Idea Of A Perfect Date: Dectober 45rd

WHICH IS BETTER
13. Coke or Pepsi: Pepsi
14. Sprite or 7UP: 7Up
15. Girls or Guys: None. Every.
16. Roses or Tulips: Flowers
17. Scruffy or Clean shaven: All
18. Blondes or Brunettes: Surely there are more styles of hair than this!!!!
19. Bitchy or Slutty: I punche them alle *fists bared, battle prepared* *triclick* *cauldron stir* MMMM-hm.
20. Tall or Short: I am tall
21. Pants or Shorts: Pants. Jodpurs.
22. Night or Day: Neither, every all. Both.

THE LAST TIME/PERSON YOU...
24. Last person you talked to on the computer: Sarah
25. Last Person you talked to on the phone: My mum
26. Showered: We don't have such a cleansing utility!
27. Stepped outside: A few days ago
28. Had Sex: Top secrets!!!!!

RANDOM
29. Romantic memory: Sarah
30. Your Good Luck Charm: They're all after my lucky charms.
31. Person You Hate Most? Moses
32. Best Thing That Has Happened: Sarah
33. In your desk: Mess
34. Picture on your desktop: Sarah's desktop, but Hello Kitty (mew)
36. Movie: Random movie? Ghostbusters 6: I'm Afraid of No Ghost, But They're Boring Now, Can I Go Home?
37. Artist: Hip-Hop Moses
39. Ice Cream: Vanilna
40. Season: Spring
41. Breakfast Food: Nesquik cereal

WHO
42. Makes you laugh the most: Comedi
47. Makes you smile: Sarah
46. Do You Have A Crush On Someone: Sure, knock yourself out :) *bang* lole~~

DO YOU
49. Sit by the phone waiting for a phone call all night: Whoever does that needs to be suffocated by their phone
50. Save MSN conversations: MSN smells of whore's asse
51. Save E-mails: Yes
52. Forward secret E-mails: The ones about my genits? No, I put those in the bin
53. Wish you were someone else: Nuh-uh
54. Wish you were a member of the opposite sex: Who knows :)
55. Wear perfume: Naw
58. Go online for longer than eight hours at a time: You bet your hospital

HAVE YOU EVER
59. Fallen for your best friend?: Sarah
60. made out with JUST a friend?: Noe
61. Kissed two people in the same day?: I can't remember
22. Had sex with two different people in the same day?: No that's rude
63. Rejected someone: No
64. Been in love?: Certainly
65. Been in lust?: Certainly
46. Used someone?: Certainly
42. Been used?: Certainly
43. Been the one someone cheated on their S/O with?: No
68. Cheated on someone?: No
69. Been cheated on?: I hope not :)
70. Been kissed?: You bet your ~~pus~~ posse
71. Done something you regret?: Not for very long

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON
72. You touched?: Sarah
73. You talked to?: Sarah
74. You hugged?: Sarah
75. you instant messaged?: Laurie
76. You kissed?: Sarah
77. You yelled at?: The computer and/or internet
78. You thought about?: Laurie because I typed her/your name
79. Who text messaged you?: Batman on my pretend bat-phone
80. Who broke your heart?: You did, you did. Bow to the target, blame Cupid, Cupid. You think you're smart, you're stupid, stupid. Shoot that poison arrow to my heart, shoot that poison arrow, etc.
31. Who told you they loved you?: Sarah

I bid you good ~~teeth~~ voyage!

Failure of stationery

2004-06-02T04:34:14Z

Fat thanks you to Sarah who just buyed me a paid account for a couple of months :) <3 <-- internet hearts lol!!263